So, it all starts with the fact that my normal homebody nature and health nut status have been completely obliterated by everything that’s been going on these last few weeks. And, kind of ends with the fact that somehow my friends have been better and more diligent than I have at helping me to complete this list of resolutions (thanks guys!).
Resolution 100: Obtain a Piece of Original Art
I thought for sure I was going to have to shell out hundreds of dollars for this, but it turns out all it take is going to the downtown IHOP at 4 in the morning and being somewhat interesting to a homeless man.
Before recently, I rarely went out (and by “out” I mean to Elysium, the goth club downtown, because I really despise the frat boy types at the other bars) and when I did I was out of there before the last-call traffic started. But…my whole ‘usual’ routine was kind of turned on its head and I’ve been out quite a lot more than usual lately.
Last Saturday, 4 a.m., out with the usual suspects, we found ourselves at the IHOP in full-on vampyre garb, fangs and all. We were seated together, the 5 of us, in the very back of the restaurant since evidently the staff has figured out that we’re a little too rambunctious for the front. The back, however, is right up against the window, and tonight there was a very talented homeless man just outside who was staring in and furiously sketching away on a piece of foam board with a ball point pen.
We noted his presence but immediately diverted our attention back to what we would order. Until a few minutes later…
He was inside the restaurant next to our table, peering at us all with the artist’s eyes, carefully sketching in the details that he was unable to see from the other side of the glass pane.
A few minutes later, he kneeled beside us and said “I think I’ll call it… ‘A Very Us In Austin, Texas …On a Saturday Night. Saturday Night.’ ” And put it in my hands.
From left to right is Emma, Brandon, Me, Daley and Logan. And ta-da! Original art. And, as a sweet and unexpected twist…I’m actually in it. We all gave him the dollars we had left over, around 10 dollars between all of us I think. I trimmed it up and framed it when I got home and it is now proudly displayed on my bed side table.
It turns out he’s got quite a body of work going, because as soon as this went on facebook people started popping up saying “Oh I have one from him too!” I believe is name was Art Randle, but someone correct me if I have that wrong. It makes me wonder if we could collect his stuff from around Austin and have an exhibit or something. Get him a little more money than the few dollars he makes on each drawing. Just a thought.
Resolution 55: Go to a restaurant, order and consume the most calorie heavy item on the menu.
Have you guys ever been to Freebird’s? Well, if not it’s a national chain that specializes in burritos. Regular burritos, but also larger-than-your-head burritos.
The hybrid up there is your regular ‘ol burrito size. You know, the size that a person could take down for a casual lunch. And it goes up from there. All the way to the Super Monster which takes not one but TWO 13″oversized tortillas to create. You go down a line, kind of like a cafeteria, dictating to the burrito craftsman what you would like in your behemoth burrito.
Dru, the self proclaimed expert in creating Super Monsters, had the brilliant idea to knock off this particular resultion with said burrito, and insisted that I let him take the lead on its creation. Most likely to deter my health nut from refusing cheese and sour cream.
The end product contained, among other things: Rice, Black Beans, Steak, Corn, Pico, Peppers, Onions, Guacamole, Sour Cream, Cheese, Lettuce, Cilantro and who knows what else.
The burrito, pre-wrap. For perspective. Or this, its size in relation to Dru’s mouth.
It’s a big burrito.
I was hoping I would never know the EXACT amount of damage I did with this thing, but nope…the Freebird’s site has a handy little chart for being able to calculate just how many calories are in that monstrosity. And, while I could have gone with one of those cream laiden dished at Macaroni Grill, or bothered a master chef about the calorie count in his richest concoction…I’m pretty proud (possibly a little ashamed) that I managed to consume the better part of a
2,162 Calorie Burrito
I say the better part because we actually split the thing between the two of us. It took some real poking, prodding and jeering to get me through the last few bites of just my half. I used to think that I could probably take on competitive eating, but I don’t think that’s true anymore. Not if 1,081 calories of burrito can knock me on my ass the way it did. Given, It would have been even better reading to say that I ate the WHOLE Super Monster, but oh well, not everyone can be blessed with super eating powers. Plus I may have lost a few readers due to sheer disgust.
Anyway. To commemorate a successful burrito feast, our obligatory “Super Monster” made from the burrito’s foil wrapping. Mission Complete.
In Part Two: Being a Tourist in My Own City. Stay tuned.