Books That Changed My Life: Dharma Punx

I’ve walked by this book a hundred times in the book store, drawn to it first by aesthetic alone (since anything with tattoos intrigues me) and then by title; Dharma Punx.

As a former (and somewhat still current) goth kid, and someone who has a natural affinity for going “against the stream,” this book resonated with me on many levels.

The website, dharmapunx.com, summarizes the book like this:

This is the story of a young man and a generation of angry youths who rebelled against their parents and the unfulfilled promise of the sixties.

As with many self-destructive kids, Noah Levine’s search for meaning led him first to punk rock, drugs, drinking, and dissatisfaction. But the search didn’t end there. Having clearly seen the uselessness of drugs and violence, Noah looked for positive ways to channel his rebellion against what he saw as the lies of society.

Fueled by his anger and so much injustice and suffering, Levine now uses that energy and the practice of Buddhism to awaken his natural wisdom and compassion.

Personally I always have a problem with summaries like that because the book holds so much more, but there’s no way you can fit it all on the back of a book cover. What the summary doesn’t tell you is about how real Noah is as both a person and a character in his own memoir.

The entire book is written in Noah’s voice, profanity and cocky punk-talk included, which makes him relatable and endearing, at least to me, even as he describes hitting rock bottom, drinking himself into oblivion and stealing from family and friends in order to fuel a drug addiction and drinking habit.  The entire time you’re reading through every painful moment of a troubled childhood and adolescence, you’re rooting for his awakening, and living through the the steady decline into misery makes it all the more inspiring to watch him rise from the ashes and take his first steps along his life’s path.

As the reader you follow him from the streets of California, in and out of a cold cell in Juvenile Hall, through recovery programs and sponsors, to a pilgrimage across Southeast Asia, and finally back home to fulfill his role as a teacher and mentor to people all over the nation.

It’s not just the story that inspires me so much, though.  It’s the fact that Noah, in the 80′s and 90′s, was doing exactly what I’m trying to do now with my blog: Wake up.

Near the end of the book, as Noah is completing the “Year to Live” exercise, where he spends an entire year living as though he only has one year left in this incarnation, he reaches a point where…

“I didn’t ask why anymore,  I just asked how could I wake up in each situation, how could I use all of it as a teaching, the good and the bad, all of it.”

This resonated with me on a such a level that it literally took my breath away.  I felt that the quote completely summed up the entire reason for starting this blog in the first place.  Of course, in the context of my own life story I came to this realization for a completely different reason in a completely different way, but that does not change the fact that we somehow even decades apart we arrived at the same place.

Then, on the last day of the same “year to live” exercise, the last sentence of the last entry of a journal he’d kept for the entire year, he wrote:

“…and I see that love is the only rational act of a lifetime.”

The soul that wrote that is a soul that I aspire to be.  While I know that the quote is true, I want not only to know it, but to live it, every moment of my life.  Noah’s inspired me to live more mindfully, thoughtfully, and with love as the primary motivator for everything I do.

The best part?  He never strayed from being a punk or following the punk mentality.  If fact, the punk culture was what drew him to Buddhism in the first place.  As he puts it, “the whole punk movement is based on the Buddha’s first noble truth, the truth of suffering and the dissatisfactory nature of the material world.  The punks see through the lies of society and the oppressive dictates of the modern consumer culture…unfortunately punks rarely come around to seeing that there is actually a solution and a path to personal freedom.”

He stayed true to himself, but never stopped looking for answers.  He didn’t need to give up punk music and tattoos and become a peaceful monk in the mountains of Tibet to make a difference in the world, to find spiritual awakening and inner peace.  He found it by remaining genuine, humble, and always seeking truth and purpose.

I highly recommend this book for anyone who is doing any sort of soul searching in their life, it helped me on levels I didn’t even know I had access to yet.

Of course, his book was also the first step in Resolution #25, learning more about Buddhism. I’ve since learned that there’s a group in Austin called the Dharma Punx, named after the book, that’s described as a “group of people interested in pursuing the life of the Spiritual Revolutionary.”

I think I just found my next step.

A Moment of Clarity: I have a passion?

I’ve changed a lot in the last 9 years.  (I mean, who doesn’t, really?) In 2003, at the age of 14, my dad passed away suddenly. I was shattered, and like anything that’s been shattered, I was forced to rebuild. But, it is nearly impossible to put the pieces of something shattered into the exact same form that they once held.  What emerges is something completely new, built with the same pieces. That’s what I am.

Among other things, I spent a few years consumed by the culture of modern day vampyrism. I conjured many half-baked plans for escaping the country to live with family in Belgium or volunteer in Vietnam.  I went through college only to realize that I wasn’t sure that my area of study (graphic design) was for me.  I’ve made and lost friends, both from personal differences and from untimely death. But, the one thing that I continue to return to is that nothing quite seems stable. As in, I don’t have that one thing that I come back to as my passion, my purpose in life.

I had an interesting moment last night when again my mind returned to that familiar panic, “What am I doing with my life?”

“I don’t have a passion.” I told my boyfriend as we drove home late last night.  “I don’t feel like I have a place where I really belong, or way to impact the world and make it a better place.”

He didn’t understand.

I didn’t know how to explain it.  I am surrounded by people who feel they have a very clear purpose.  Day has an amazing man who, with her by his side, is creating a literal haven for the like-minded.  Stephen is starting an initiative to combat bullying in schools. Nick, my own boyfriend, has his podcast, where thousands of people tune in every week to participate with him in his passion for gaming.

Me?  I started this blog because my spirit guides (speaking through other people by the way, because I still can’t figure out how to hear them) told me I should be writing. But, other than that I bounce around from ambition to ambition, experience to experience, looking for something that holds my interest, that stokes my fire, that makes me say “I could do this for the rest of my life.”

…It was in this moment that I realized that I’d been this way all my life, jumping around trying to decide what might be fun.  It’s in doing this that I’ve met some of the most intriguing people, tried some of the most peculiar things, and learned my most important lessons.

Maybe I was thinking to much inside the box, thinking that I could only have ONE passion, when maybe my passion is the constant search for new experiences.  Why do I have to be an expert in one thing, when I could spend my life trying out everything?

How then, do I impact the world by not committing to one thing?  Even as I write this I feel myself wavering, not sure if its possible.  The only thing I can think of is that maybe by writing about it, I’ll put a spark of inspiration in someone else.  To get out there, to try new things, and most importantly to not be afraid to fail.

So far I’ve had a few people tell me that I’ve inspired them.  I feel like the biggest, most fulfilling thing I could accomplish would be to do that on a much larger scale. It’s a cliche sure, but it’s a truth that I resonate with with every fiber of my being.  I want to change the world.

A Thank You to the Musicians Who Know Us Better Than Ourselves

You know those songs that you have on your iPod that you’ve long forgotten about?  Yeah, we all have them.

How about those songs that come on and seem like they are talking specifically about you?  Yeah, we have those too.

Today, as I drove down the road, still on the trailing end of a week full of soul searching and trying to sort the voices in my head, one of those songs came on and managed to cut through everything.

The song: Brand New Day by Ryan Star.  It goes a little something like this (and the video is promo material for the television show Lie to Me for which this is the theme song):

I began to pluck out words that had come out of my mouth not days earlier, “I’ve stayed in one place for too long. Gotta get on the run again.”  “Turn back the clock.”  “Give me some time.” But, luckily Ryan Star was able to finish the thought that I hadn’t been able to yet.

“Let’s open our eyes to the brand new day.”

It’s a song about allowing yourself to dream, and about going after the things that you’re hell bent and passionate about.  Picking up, moving, seeking, and constantly re-inventing yourself.  Each day is a new day, it’s never EVER too late. The part of the inner conversation I hadn’t reached yet.

Music has a level of truth, passion and emotion that is untouched by anything else.  I hope all of you musicians out there realized that you are answering people’s questions, making them believe in things they thought were lost, and helping them get just a little bit closer to themselves. So on behalf of all of the people you’ve touched with your music, thank you.