Body Aware or Just Plain Vain?

I have a moral dilemma. Help me out, would ya? First, some background.

Last year seemed to be the year of fine tuning my mind, this year it seems like the focus is, among other things, on fine tuning my body. Inside and out. While I have things that I’m self-conscious about I’ve never been particularly dissatisfied with my body. I’m at a healthy weight. I’m physically fit. No scary health concerns to speak of. My only complaints are the ones I’ve made a thousand times about loose skin and cellulite left after losing a bunch of weight in college. Things that just won’t go away with regular diet and exercise.

For a few different reasons, though, I’ve started to become more and more aware about how those little dissatisfaction take a toll on my life.

 

For example, I’ve worn a bathing suit maybe once in the last two years. I don’t wear shorts without leggings underneath. I perpetually stand with my hips tilted to one side because it makes them look smaller, and I cross my arms to hide my midsection when I’m standing in a group of people.

A friend said to me recently in regards to my strange self-conscious idiosyncrasies, something like “You know I just wish you could feel as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside.” And, I’ve also gotten “I’m attracted to you, but I’m really not attracted to your confidence.” Harsh truths. It never occurred to me how much my little dissatisfactions were taking a major toll on how I lived my life. Then, as soon as I became aware of it I noticed how much other people are too. People ask why I always have my arms crossed (they think I’m angry! How sad!) or they jokingly imitate my dramatic hip tilt when they see me doing it across a room.

Well enough’s enough. Time to start loving myself and my body.

But here’s where the moral dilemma comes in. My all-natural, spiritual, love-everyone-with-no-exceptions sort of self says that this is mental. Everyone has imperfections, but it’s about how you look at them that dictates whether they are a problem or not. Some women LOVE their stretch marks. They are a mark of some special triumph in their life. The birth of a child, losing weight, whatever it may be. Some women embrace a curvy figure and prefer it tenfold over a stick-thin model body. And, well, I can’t think of anyone that’s been particularly thrilled about cellulite, but…who knows?

At the same time, there are a hundred and one options that I can pursue that will remove the issues that bother me.  Suck out the cellulite, tighten the skin, lift the boobs, maybe even make them larger.

So, which is it?  Where is it that I’ve crossed the line from making an effort to be comfortable in my own skin, into plain ‘ol, surgically fueled vanity?

I KNOW that there are people out there that love and will love me for exactly how I am and how I look. I know because I make a point to surround myself with them. In general, no bit of cellulite or loose tummy skin deterred my last boyfriend from loving or being attracted to me, and I don’t have any friends who avoid my company because I have a little arm jiggle. Why should I hold myself to any lesser standard? But, this doesn’t keep me from being bashful about it. I can’t say it ever entirely leaves my mind that I didn’t have the body that a 20-something is ‘supposed to’ have.

Is this a good point to go start talking to doctors and surgeons about fixing things, or do I just need to try harder to get the f*ck over myself and embrace it all?

What are your thoughts?  Anyone out there gone either route?  Let me hear ya!

[Resolution] #71 Create a Homemade Beauty Product

I went to my first Mary Kay party the other day.  My sister and I partnered with a woman named Karen as fellow direct salesmen and did a combo make-up & chocolate party.  So, before we dished out brownies to the hungry masses we got to try out putting on our Mary Kay faces.  I never thought I’d ever be involved in anything Mary Kay.  I was under the impression that anyone associated was well-off and pretentious, but I’m happy this time to report that at least in Karen’s case this is not so.  She’s actually a really fantastic lady who’s in the business to because she (paraphrasing) enjoys the feeling she gets from making people feel beautiful and self-confident.

Unfortunately, I didn’t walk away with any products that night but I did walk away with the knowledge that my skin care routine needs work.  When I created this resolution I was thinking face mask? Sugar scrub?  But what I was in real dire need of was a face cleanser.  Don’t gawk at me, but… (confession time) I never remove my make-up.  Not officially at least, it just happens to come off in the shower.

Well, unbeknownst to me, I’m basically damning myself to early aging and blemished skin. So for this resolution I decided to take a page out of the Mary Kay book and create an ‘exfoliating cleanser.’

I did a bit of searching and found this great blog, “It’s Not Easy to Be Green” that had this recipe for a homemade facial cleanser.

It’s a pretty easy concoction to make.  In the article it called for:

• Baking Soda
• Jojoba Oil
• Essential oil of your choice and
• Honey (optional)

I went ahead and got the honey; local honey from the bulk section so I apologize for the ugly bottle. I’ve heard it actually has really impressive qualities when used topically. And then chose lavender oil since not only does it smell good but it’s also good for boosting psychic abilities.  Two-fer.

If you want to find out more about essential oils and the properties and uses of each one, you can check out this list that has a ton of information to help find an oil you could benefit from.  I also won’t blame you if you go by what smells good.

So, to keep portions small and prevent caking, the article suggested putting the baking soda in a spice jar with a shaker lid (with the holes in it).  It’s a lot easier to store that way since you can’t seal those damn boxes.  Then, fill a dropper bottle with jojoba oil and a few drops of essential oil.  I just used three and it was plenty fragrant.

When you’re ready to use it, dampen your face with warm water.  Shake the baking soda once into your hand, add 3-5 drops of the oil mixture, then a dollop of honey.  Mix gently with your fingers and apply to your face.

I instantly loved this cleanser.  The baking soda is fine but still gritty so you can feel it exfoliating as your rub it in. The honey doesn’t end up being sticky when mixed with the water already on your face.  Then, when I rinsed it off my skin was so smooth! Not dry or tight like with other cleansers I’ve tried.  I suspect it has something to do with the oil.  It’s in a small enough quantity to moisturize without leaving your face oily.

The oils are a bit of an investment at first, but a little goes a LONG way.  I guarantee you’ll save loads using this stuff instead of that expensive chemical stuff at the drug store.

Thanks again to It’s Not Easy to Be Green for the idea.  If you’re at all interested in other ways of living green, this blog is a great resource.  I plan to poke around more later. Maybe there are some other habits I should look at changing.